NICK OLSEN

I Will Always Blog You

2012-02-19T23:31:00.001-05:00

I really dropped the self-promotion ball and forgot to mention Lady Meares predicted I'll be big in 2012 to ELLEDecor.com. Ain't that nice? I'm just hoping she'll remember our chip buffets and talks out loud when her Furbish empire gets Oprah-sized. You connect the dots but I also pimped my shiny red pad on The Nate Show's "House Proud" segment. I had a blast filming this but watching it is about 50 times worse than hearing your own outgoing voicemail message. Think Alana might give me a few pointers on stage presence? (My personal go-go juice is Diet Dr. Pepper but I draw the line at showing my belly.) Anyhooboo, thanks Jamie and Nate.

On to the important stuff: my first record album (the vinyl kind) was Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits, featuring the original "I Will Always Love You," and my first compact disc was The Bodyguard soundtrack. In between there was a trip to Disney World's Fort Wilderness during which my sister and I wore out the "Whitney"cassette in a rented motor home. So, as my earplugged neighbors will tell you, I'm still going through it with this situation:

On the teevee I heard India.Arie quote Anita Baker as saying it takes three generations to produce one Whitney Houston. Which makes me grateful to have had her around for my first 29+ years but bored as hell thinking about the next 60 or so with just ... Aguilera? A miasma of melisma awaits us.

But when I close my peepers tonight everything -- people, rooms, skirt suits -- will look as beautiful and effortless as this performance:

Goodbye, Whitney. You really did almost have it all.

Confined Bachelor

2012-01-30T02:33:00.001-05:00

Lately my Pisces Drifter soul has had an itch to pick up and leave this Lacquer Cave. It's a tiny, flawed apartment in a great neighborhood but I'm trying to think practically ... oh, who am I kidding? I just want a new decorating project. So over the weekend I searched and searched and finally set my heart on a kooky, late Victorian pile of bricks originally built as "bachelor flats" for Manhattan's "professional men of means." Each two-room suite came equipped with a bathroom but no kitchen ... sort of perfect for a decorator who's lived without a working stove for almost four years? There's just one hitch: NO VACANCY.

But it got me thinking about one of the all-time great bachelor pads in modern cinema, the Central Park West penthouse of architect Peter Mitchell (Tom Selleck) in 1987's 3 Men and a Baby.

The thumping strains of Miami Sound Machine in the opening credits all but force to me forget that architects generally don't live in penthouses; nor do they let their roommates paint haute-80s Cartoon Deco murals in their elevator vestibules:

Director Leonard Nimoy (no joke) takes us on a roller coaster ride filled with diapers, cocaine, Ted Danson's real hair, and doormen at The Presada who apparently don't call up when that deadbeat Nancy Travis has a baby to unload. (Do I sound like Stefon? Hope so.)

Anyway I'd rather talk about solarium kitchens with holophane lamps

Guttenberg's Kazumi-meets-Memphis bedroom moment

And these klieg lights on trusses:

I love the fantasy that an architect, actor, and cartoonist (who combined get more tail than the ASPCA) live in such a grand apartment with a few chic moments, yet it's still sort of a mess? I'm so over nth-degree TV and movie interiors: the Gossip Girl version of Park Avenue or Williamsburg. Barf! In a different vein everyone's favorite (confirmed?) bachelor George Clooney's house in The Descendants looked very done and appropriate, but that is all. His real estate lawyer character was supposed to count Queen Kahlualeekilani or whomever as his ancestor ... can I get some vintage Hawaiian regalia up on the wall? I like it when spaces leave a little ambiguity -- did Selleck design or inherit those club chairs? Was that neon sign just for his birthday party? I guess that's the essence of a "pad" as opposed to a house or apartment. Perfect quarters for a design transient like me.

Shame On It

2012-01-23T00:38:00.001-05:00

Or rather shame on me, because it took googling my own name + "kitchen" (in an aborted attempt to show Mrs. Meares some vintage love for her new fave color combo) to discover my pal Mary Kate Frank's amazing progress on her teensy studio apartment (before pic here):

Photos: Jessica Sokolowski for Time Out New York

She really went for it -- brava!!! Full story from back in October here. Oh and promise I've got more up my bedroom sleeve than stripes, camp blankets, and jewel tones:

Photo: Jeff Hirsch for NY Social Diary

Remember those Brady Bunch spoof movies where Gary Cole as Mike Brady keeps proposing the same model of their split-level house for every project? Like a split-level gas station, fast food restaurant, and so on ... not the same sitchu here! MK and I are just kindred decorating spirits, and I will say she's the THIRD Scorpio gal I know to fall hard for that Schumacher monkey wallpaper. What does it all mean?? I'll cross my eyes and stare at her Vasarely while pondering ...

West Elm: Start Fresh

2012-01-08T21:24:00.000-05:00

Happy 2012, y'all! I got stuck in the work-holiday vortex but hope urrybody had a great Christmukkahzaa. Pa Olsen, who is given to rhyming New Year's mottos, announced "We'll get off the shelf in Two-thousand-twelfth." Got that? Good.

Speaking of shelves, I'm SO proud to be featured in West Elm's latest catalog and on their Front & Main blog talkin' all things Parsons: bookscases, tables, desks ... I've honestly never met a Parsons thingerdoodle I didn't like. (In fact, the other day in the meadow we did build a snowman and we named him Parson Brown-Olsen.) And I love the pictures of my tiny little tenement -- "Shiny Walls Remix," says a pal -- which show off new treasures like that dude perched next to the TV. Plus my new/old sofa:

A drippy glaze urn on this etagere (oh and I framed Sally's painting!):

And my lemon yellow Mottega lamp:

Thanks to West Elm's Aaron Able, Korin Thorig, Juan Carlos De La Acena, and photographer Philip Ficks for these great shots. I've loved W.E. forevs and evs and this was such a treat.

IFDA Rising Stars

2011-11-09T15:04:00.001-05:00

This is sooner than you thought, right? So I'm thrilled to be named one of the IFDA's (International Furnishings and Design Association) Rising Stars of Interior Design, an honor I share with the super swank and talented Ron Marvin and the equally fabulous Suysel Cunningham and Anne Foster of Tilton Fenwick. Here are the deets for the event next Monday the 14th:

We'll be giving some PowerPoint prezzies on our work, we'll answer questions, and if the audience needs a boost the TF ladies have agreed to throw down with me on some Beyonce choreography. Ron will play the ukelele. (The guy has a gift). Seriously, I think it will be a super fun evening so come join us! Thanks to Brad Ford, Jamie Drake, Rose Hitt and the whole IFDA for this honor!!!

Oh, Herro

2011-11-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

I've been a bad blogger. Took a radical sabbatical. But if you want know about my daily routine over the past month or so, just ask my favorite chav-sportif woodland sprite, Cher Lloyd. I'll let Drake tell you about the ultimate goal.

What have I been up to? Specifics? Let's see ... I've been growing out my hair. I bought this HUGE Red Jackie to cover a wonky wall in the Lacquer Cave:

I also flew down to Raleigh for the GRAND GALA OPENING of the Lady Meares's FurbDeux, which really is a sight to behold. It's bigger and prettier than both of our weaves combined, but if you can't make it in person I'd buy this pillow from her online store in two shakes of a leopard's tail:

What else? Well, I married and divorced a Neanderthal named Kris with a "K" and didn't make one red dime from it. I bought some bookcases that look just like these (Mr. Hadley's) from Housing Works to store my fabric samples

And guess what the shelf label read? "Property of Bunny Williams, Inc." !!! It's the Circle of Life -- er, of Decorating I guess. Speaking of that I've just finished decorating a humongo apartment that I'm dying to show you!! Just not now. (Gypsy Rose Lee got nuthin' on me in the tease department.) Much more real news coming down the pike very soon, I promise. Stay tuned!

Stylelist Home

2011-09-20T18:52:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the Huffington Post has a new decor-centric site called Stylelist Home? For their launch today I was happy to chat about all manner of very butch topics, including the bedskirt I just made:

Check out the interview here. Thanks to Dickson Wong, formerly of Elle Decor -- oh, the hours we spent rounding up credits for Mugatu's projects. Anyhoo I'm excited to see what Arianna and Co. bring to the home-website table!

Under the Tuscan Son

2011-09-13T00:09:00.001-04:00

Kudos, me: I finally have a working scanner ... and printer, and copier, and fax machine (yes, I fax CONSTANTLY). Two months ago a plaster shell bracket fell off the wall and onto my four-in-one Epson nightmare. Only two functions continued to function, not including the one I need daily (PRINT). So this afternoon I sucked it up and bought his replacement (a "Brother") ... so banal I can barely type it out. Is anyone else paralyzed by tech maintenance? My lame, corporate BlackBerry freezes for six minutes at a time and after my single attempt to fix the sitchu I wanted to pull a full-on Kaczynski, or at least a Salinger.

ANYWAY.

Architectural Digest, September 2011, photographed by Peter Estersohn

This scan takes me to a warm, sunny place. Picture it, Tuscany, 2011: A place where colors don't have to coordinate yet headboards and Parsons tables wear matching grapefruit linen slipcovers. It's a bedroom in a villa belonging to Dede Pratesi, matriarch of the molto-luxe linens firm, plus her son Federico and his family. I'll cop to a certain ignorance when it comes to fancy sheet companies, though I'm partial to Schweitzer, they of the endless embroidery pattern selection and absolute refusal to rebrand with the times. So I had no idea that some Pratesi's look like the best of Mrs. Tillett? Also note how that twee frescoed ceiling actually works when paired with a bold tiled floor, modern art, small-scale plaid curtains and said gonzo multi-citrus/battleship gray/taupe color palette. (Whatever she says, DON'T negate it.) No disrespect to the Pratesis but this is where I picture secret Russkie Tilda having her second act in the sequel to I Am Love.

Supreme

2011-09-03T18:13:00.003-04:00

I have a weakness for easily listening, and the other day this haunting li'l tune (penned by Mr. Easy himself, Lionel Richie) popped into my head:

After a lengthy Youtube sesh I decided Miss Ross will be my style icon, a tutelary 'spirit human' if you will, for Fall 2011. Forget the obvious references, though who doesn't love a bouffant/satin glove combo or that rainbow chiffon number from Mahogany? I'm talking about her post-Motown aura: regal and imperious but a little messy. The hair's always sort of a frizzbomb, the sequined column a size too big, and the chiclet teeth (a medical term, according to Jill Zarin) forever uncapped. It's a refreshing attitude when every housewife has a stylist and lady celebs seem determined only to out-pretty or out-kook each other on the red carpet. And Diana genuinely looks like she's having a blast! Watch her dance with Marvin Gaye above or with Jacko in his prime:

Could Gaga or Britney ever let loose like this? The former looks like she's taking a chemistry exam onstage, and the latter is back to pageant queen speeches and (literally) going through the motions.

In a weird way this all came into sharper focus after I read Molly Young's gushing article on J. Crew's reigning magpie Jenna Lyons in New York's Fashion Issue. She is tall and uber-stylish and insanely good at her job. Is it wrong that I liked her more after finding out she has bald patches on her head and a mouth full of dentures because of a genetic disease? A pretty brave revelation for someone in the image business. And unlike other designers who take us to Crazytown season after season but hide themselves in layers of black, this woman loves her a sequin and some marabou. Walks the walk, so to speak. For instance she wore a slouchy cashmere sweater over her feathered gown to the Costume Institute Ball. A confident and perhaps calculated move, but it does show us who's runnin' things. Do you think a stylist ever told Diana (who used to sew costumes for the Supremes), "You know, the tomato flamenco explosion just isn't so flattering"?? Wincing at the thought. Anyway as Mugatu used to say, there is perfection in imperfection.

Before & After Tag Sale

2011-08-29T14:36:00.008-04:00

So I recently staged a small studio in a slick new building. It started out like this:

And after three days looked like this:

Yes, ladies and gentleman, I painted an accent wall. Call me a hypocrite but I think it works in that wonky corner?? Speaking of wonk-wonk those swing arm lamps never did quite stay upright, but I digress: the place has found a tenant (mission accomplished!) who apparently prefers, uh, neutrals. All the stuff's gotta be out by September 1st! So this Wednesday, 8/31, I'm having a little tag sale in the unit, 100 Eleventh Avenue (at 19th Street) #3A, from 1-5pm. Selling most of what you see here plus a few more pieces from my style hoardin' inventory, including the old "cupcake chair":

Cash and carry, no reasonable offers refused -- come see me y'all and snap up a faux Motherwell dirt cheap!!

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

2011-08-23T23:24:00.009-04:00

To yesterday's sofa:

Melanie Acevedo for Domino

But last Friday I did. I ditched the sofa (settee? canape??) I bought when I was 14 for 40 bucks. Pa Olsen drove it back from the thrift store that day and repaired one broken leg before I went to town with a staple gun and duct tape for its first transformation, a Donna-Karan-in-the-Hamptons moment in white cotton duck. Eight years later it was all about teal velvet before I moved back to New York at the end of my last real summer vacation. I did all the tufting myself! Dad left our Pensacola homestead with no electrical power and four fallen oak trees (post-Hurricane Ivan) and delivered this sofa and a vanload of flea market treasures to my fourth floor walkup studio on lower Fifth Avenue, located in a former gentleman's quarters. Special thanks also goes to Amy, my absentee apartment co-hunter, for a complete act of grace:

Me: "Well, not exactly a two-bedroom, but it's fabulous and I think we can make it work."
Amy: "If you love it, I'll love it."

She lasted a year. I miss her and our gigunda green marble bathroom, but not that zebra print cowhide. Fast forward again to 2010 and I'm feeling glazed chintz slipcovers, but without Lonny co-founder Michelle Williams asking to shoot my "new" place, this baby never would've been born:

Patrick Cline for Lonny

Same frame sofa under that cuckoo print and bulbous arm pads.

Decorators have to be sort of ruthless and unsentimental, because how much stuff do we see or buy in a week's time? Too much. If I held on to the first version of everything I ever liked and bought, I'd need a storage unit the size of Staten Island. My tastes have evolved (thank God!) but I still love the story factor, that a forty dollar thrift store sofa ended up on the cover of a national (and my favorite) magazine. Did Anthro rip it off? If so, consider me sincerely flattered:

And until last Friday, extremely uncomfortable. Honestly, I've sat on stadium bleachers with better ergonomics than this baby. The new arms limit seating space and my sloping tenement floor sort of makes you slide toward the teevee. I've been in the market for a replacement but never got That Old Feeling until I met silver-gray salvation at Doyle:

I'm putting the single arm piece in a corner, so now I'll have an armless banquette, four feet on one side and almost seven on the other, with loose, DOWN-FILLED seat and back cushions with buttoned Turkish corners. And silk bullion fringe! I'll clean the linen velvet but overall it's in great condition, and in month or so I might have an itch to redecorate this entire place in blue-grays and lavenders. Will I miss Ol' Chintzy? Probably not. As I tell my clients when they bust out some relic of a former life: "You bought it, you loved it, now time to kiss it and say goodbye."

And Now For Something Completely Different

2011-08-08T23:48:00.009-04:00

Check out another gentleman's quarters, this one belonging to financier and Chinese Porcelain Company founder/proprietor Pierre Durand, as featured recently-ish in the New York Social Diary:

Photos by Jeffrey Hirsch for New York Social Diary

His is neither a period apartment nor a highly decorated one ... okay, a fully upholstered bedroom with both the Brunschwig leopard AND tiger velvets is a bold statement, but have you ever seen a more compelling living room with wall-to-wall sisal, off-white walls, and buff-colored curtains?? The backgrounds are no competition for Durand's many treasures, and the only pattern is an Aubusson-upholstered chair or two. Dude doesn't even need a contrast throw pillow on those beige damask sofas -- not when you've mastered Scale, Furniture Arrangement and Qu-qu-QUALITY. Honorable mention to pleated silk coolie lamp shades with cut fringe, palomino glove leather and Tina Fey's book at the bedside. No pretense here!

And while we're on the topic, how much do we love Sian Ballen's interviews? I'm biased because every time I see her she pinches my cheeks and tells me I should be on TV, but who else asks the burning questions:

"What does money mean to you?"

"Are you alone now?"

Fearless fierceness abounds!

Screw the Windows, Here's 2THEWALLS

2011-07-21T19:10:00.008-04:00

That's a little double entendre meant to congratulate my insanely talented friend Keehnan Konyha and his boyfriend Jacob Gaboury, who turned a light-challenged Williamsburg loft (and former bathhouse!) into a moody den of multichic. It's like the best of 70s ArchDigest (minus the orchids and accordion-pleated lamp shades) meets hipster aesthete meets Billy Baldwin, and now it's NYMag's Space of the Week:

Photos by Patrick Dyer for NYMag

Having passed out there I can attest to its excellence as party venue ... I mean, who needs a bar tray when you have space for an ACTUAL BAR? With Pierre Cardin stools, no less. Keeks works for East Village decorating doyen David Cafiero and authors the blog 2THEWALLS, which sometimes makes me feel like I have the cultural capital of a pair of mom jeans but never ceases to inform and inspire. Among the many lessons here? Street finds can look better than half the crap on 1stDibs and quilted moving blankets make amazing slipcovers. Megakudos, kiddo!!

House Beautiful Small Spaces

2011-07-02T12:42:00.006-04:00

Hootie hoo, yal! Remember like a month ago when I said I had news? Well, EXTRY! EXTRY! Read all 'bout it (sorry, can you tell I'm in Pensacola?):

Björn Wallander for House Beautiful

A TEENSY apartment I decorated for my friend and Scorpio Soul Sister Rebecca Phillips (a very talented photographer/yoga instructor -- that's her abstract closeup of coin-operated dolphin kiddie ride above) has landed in the pages of House Beautiful's July/August issue!! Just a little teaser here since I want you all to run out and buy a copy, but you can also check out a video tour of her pad here ... please, no comments on my wig, billowy checked blouse, or nasal squeal! BIGGEST thanks to EIC Newell Turner, Decorating Director Doretta Sperduto for reaching out, Creative Director Scott Schy for getting our girlie-Mexi-Frenchie-with-an-edge moment, and Style Director (and proud Brooklynite) Sabine Rothman and Senior Editors Orli Ben-Dor and Christine Pittel for a fabulous shoot and interview. Last but not least, thanks to genius photog Björn Wallander for capturing this labor of love and humoring us all as we shifted around candied kiwis, turquoise Buddha heads and Sylvia Plath novels until they looked just so. I am JUST SO THRILLED!!

Cruel Summer

2011-06-09T00:07:00.004-04:00

Okay, that season officially begins on the 21st but I'll give you a few guesses as to how I've passed the time since my last post:

- Spending my life's savings publicizing The Rapture and drinking heavily post-May 21st.
- Fathering a love child with my loyal housekeeper, Eric "Mildred" Bana.
- Capturing Osama.
- Worrying about Life After Regis.
- Eating 6,000 calories per day only to place 3rd in the Mr. Utah competition.
- Decorating.

If you guessed #6 (my lucky number), you would be correct. But I've missed mon blog and marvel at how the Ladies Decs, Blandings, Boles and Meares keep theirs up with such consistent wit and chicitude. And at how I asked Keehnan just tonight, "You know that building on 6th between 1st and A that looks like a powerstation where you can always see the light on at the top floor late at night?"

"Yeah, it belongs to _________. I blogged about that three years ago."

A tip of my hat to you, sir.

But I will have big news for you soon, promise. Until then I want you to know that my new favorite color is fuchsia (not kidding), this guy is my new idol, and I take full ownership of the term Mocca-siders:

A moccasin crossed with a Topsider, duh!

On my fabulous new intern Susan's first day I asked her:

"How good are you at tying shoelaces? The lefty one was J. Crew's display model and has a perfect bow, but this one is all wonky."

"Now I see what kind of person you are."

She gets it!

Also, retrospectively, do these three songs constitute a genre? (FORGIVE ME I'M MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME HERE):

I'd like to call it "PEP," which happens to be my BFF Kayka T's nickname pour moi. Gives me the energy to triple-measure for the dining room sisal, assemble the faux Saarinen dining table, and crack wise with the Jonathan Adler employees on a 95-degree day.

Decorating is a contact sport!!

Trad Home

2011-04-21T23:25:00.004-04:00

Did you know Mercury has been in retrograde since March 30th and will be for, oh, 28 more hours? Hence the communication breakdown. Also, lotsa stuff is popping off in my little lacquered universe. Good stuff! Mostly, if you don't count every appliance that broke for no reason, delivery trucks that stalled on the interstate, and a stuck up kitten that wouldn't sign autographs ...

So! I forgot to blog and tweet and messenger pigeon the fact that resident Lonny baby geniuses Michelle, Patrick and Co. have teamed up with Traditional Home for the online mag TRADhome, and that they were kind enough to have me design a chair. I LOVE chairs!! I have eight in my tiny little den of iniquity here ... fodder for my forthcoming TLC network show, Style Hoarders. That's it above in this Designer's Guild fabric (which reminded me of the Met's latest staging of La Traviata, meaning very Eyes Wide Shut meets Madonna's 'Material Girl' video as designed by Dolce & Gabbana). Along with my fave Chris Spitzmiller lamp, Mugatu for Oscar for Century table, and Maddie Castaing book.

It's a fab issue, but you knew that a week ago. So what else is not new??

The Church of What's Happening Now

2011-03-28T17:58:00.012-04:00

I have this ongoing fantasy that infomercial queen Suzanne Somers actually lives like another alliteratively named success story, Debo, the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire. With piles of William Kent and silver bed trays and endless volumes bound in red morocco. Odds are against that one, but then who would've guessed the 84 year-old born Herbert Kasper in the Bronx, a man responsible for Talbot's precursor Joan Leslie and Dillard's separates stalwart Kasper A.S.L., would own a collection of Old Master drawings AND contemporary photographs worthy of their own exhibit at the Morgan Library and Museum? This guy, whom Architectural Digest's Mitchell Owens says has "the distinguished bearing of a Spanish grandee," is awesome:

So 12-panel maroon coromandel screens, Fernand Legers and silk walls might seem standard issue for grandees and their pretenders, but does this look like the bedroom of an octogenarian?

Hardly. Owens writes,

Several years ago, however, a friend challenged the collector to set the past aside: "If you think you're so clever and have such a good eye, then go out and buy art that reflects what's happening now!"

In came the Adam Fuss and Mitch Epstein photographs to keep company with his Dubuffet. "The whole experience of life is turning a corner," says Kaspy.

And around that corner you might find my dear Mugatu, who has another showstopper project in this month's House Beautiful:

Miles must have a picture of Dorian Gray stashed in that mirrored bathroom somewhere because he doesn't age, nor has he lost one ounce of the zest that is his birthright. But he knows that even the Church of What's Happenin' Now has the same ol' Apostles of Chic. As he told David A. Keeps:

"I'm a great believer in studying the American greats--Babe [Paley], Albert Hadley, Oscar and Annette de la Renta, Bill Blass, Brooke Astor--and pushing their ideas a bit forward. I look at all periods, all styles ..."

So above you'll notice another knockout coromandel screen, but how often do you see one paired with a faux horn-painted canopy bed upholstered in ivory satin and mushroom kidskin? Or a Breck sofa in amethyst silk velvet? I die.

Miles knows that good decorating has a lot to do with artifice, even pretense, and loves the line where they blur with reality. Nancy Mitford once recalled that while growing up amidst quirky decay in the British countryside her youngest sister Deborah's strongest ambition was to marry a duke, and that she did. Kasper dropped the "Herbert" and the Bronx and built his own dukedom from a sensible skirt suit empire. And neither show any signs of slowing down. Mugatu's clients, a young family with a giant dog who couldn't have been nicer or more down-to-Earth, wanted to turn a brand-spanking-new sheetrock box with spectacular views into something with history and soul--they hired the right man for the job.

So is there anything more "now" than defying expectations and living precisely as you want?

Top four photos: Pieter Estersohn for Architectural Digest, April 2011. Bottom four: James Merrell for House Beautiful, April 2011.

My Main Thrill In Life

2011-03-22T21:07:00.007-04:00

Is a makeover. Cher Horowitz and I have buttloads in common, truly. So imagine my delight when a consultation client of mine, the adorable shelter writer Mary Kate Frank, tweeted moi this piece on her teensy Manhattan studio apartment's about-face. Before:

After:

And really that's more of an "in progress" shot because she plans on going whole hog with my li'l decorating roadmap ... could that mean a gigunda framed panel of Schumacher's "Singeries" wallpaper is in the works for that expanse of exposed brick??

Honestly, MK had me at "I like jewel tones" (the iced elephant cookies she served didn't hurt either) but a young gal who gets the fabulousness of dancing monkeys with paint palettes and green fans?? So, so gratifying. Brava, missy -- can't wait to see what's next!!

Top two photos: Mary Kate Frank

Slow Jam Friday

2011-03-18T14:18:00.008-04:00

It's finally short sleeve weather again in New York and I'm extremely overcaffeinated, so to relax I think I'll retire to my Angelo Donghia-designed pool pavilion (via here):

Where my new fave slow jam (thanks to Rebecca) is playing on a loop

and the lacquered ceiling always reflects a bronzed and freshly manscaped Adonis with tiger blood. Or at least a little tiger velvet slipper chair because all this room lacks is some animal print, no?

Update

2011-03-14T22:16:00.007-04:00

Remember this post from, oh, two posts ago? Well a kindly French reader took me to school on my fave Mood find of all time:

She wrote:

In fact, it is Yves Saint-Laurent and you can look at the pictures I sent you showing the label YSL. I bought this kilt late 60s or beginning of 70s, I don't know exactly. It is really funny that I saw it and also that I remember having it in my closet.

Yippee! I feel like one of those freaks on "Antiques Roadshow" who just found out his tea caddy once belonged to Martha Washington. Still haven't discovered the piece of furniture it'll adorn, but this whole Atlantis situation is giving me hope. (Will they launch the Albert Hadley Sotheby's catalog already???).

More important: Pray for and donate to Japan! The horror.

Astrological Pop Star Analysis

2011-02-25T17:08:00.006-05:00

Not that I don't feel like dancin', but I dedicate this Friday to two pixieish blonde Swedish Gemini singers with soul:

Marie Fredriksson of timeless supergroup Roxette (b. May 30, 1958), and

Robyn (b. June 12, 1979), who dissed Madonna and lived to tell the tale (Gemini's bitch rating is A+++ according to this bit of genius). The similarities are striking, no?

Color Me Badd

2011-02-23T15:28:00.007-05:00

Wow, this is uncomfortable. Looks like Steven Meisel is at it again:

Stealing my color scheme for a client's living room I based on this fabric:

J'accuse!

Kidding. I practically stole this from Mood (past season Oscar de la Renta chintz, perhaps?) months ago for 14 bucks a yard. It will make a molto chic-o room though -- do we like it paired with this geometric ikat?

It has the same cherry red and coral, and as much as I try to stick to a scheme the fun is in throwing it off. Right, missy?

Dying for y'all to see this one finished!!

Just Dance 3

2011-02-18T17:54:00.005-05:00

This week we'll combine three of my passions: chairs, Janet, and militaria:

The whole shebang:

My sister and I used to stand in front of MTV to practice every last snap and clap. Honestly, Gaga should fire that Harpy Ann Gibson and dig Tina Landon out of obscurity. Zees is real choreography!!

On the Street

2011-02-17T21:56:00.006-05:00

Commenter rubyhanoi sent me this trailer for Bill Cunningham New York, bound to be this season's The September Issue:

Who the hell DOES want a kitchen and a bathroom anyway?! (Visitors to the Lacquer Cave will know what I'm getting at. Okay, okay, so what if I turned off my gas stove because it burned the oil paint fumes and never turned it back on? The bathroom is another Greek tragedy.)

Anyway, The New Yorker called our beloved street style photographer a "fashion oblate," or "layperson who has dedicated his life to the tribe without becoming a part of it." That's sort of how I feel about R&B music of the early to mid-90s. I agree that fashion isn't dead, but what street lewks are we tiring of lately? I'll start:

- Urban Paul Bunyans in beards, Barbour coats, dark denim and Red Wing boots.
- Downtown girls with crispy curls. If you're wearing cutoffs and shredded tights your hair shouldn't look like Kim Zolciak's.
- Male jeggings. I'm not even sure if that's the right term, but what's going on with elastic bands on the boys' jeans/pants? These remind me of these.

What am I leaving out?

If You Like It Put a Shade On It

2011-02-15T11:28:00.002-05:00

I love this demijohn-ish mercury glass lamp from West Elm, but wouldn't it look so much better with a black paper empire shade? They do this maddening thing in the store where the white drum is sold separately but you're required to buy it with ze lamp. Um?? Still not bad for $149.

Zee Friday Dance Party Wow Wow: Fashion Week Edition

2011-02-11T14:52:00.002-05:00

Related: If you're not watching the best show on television it's time to start.

Work the Friday runway, sweeties!

Siza the Day

2011-02-09T20:52:00.013-05:00

Back in the ol' undergrad architecture studio my second favorite model (next to an art-gallery-as-wedding-cake fiasco that boasted real icing and plastic columns) was a simple white chipboard affair with two planes ascending in opposite directions on a Flatiron-ish site.

My critic: "This is nice. Really reminds me of Alvaro Siza."

Me: "Who?"

Critic [to her colleague, bemused]: "Come here and look at this. Doesn't it look like Alvaro Siza? He came up with it all on his own."

I wanted to reply: "Um, duh, pretty ain't that difficult. It's your dependence on bogus theory and trendy language that really cramps my style."

Instead I just nodded, grateful they weren't ripping me yet another new one (see above re: wedding cake).

But today I walked by a bookstore window display pimping the venerable Portuguese Senor Siza Vieira and have to admit that his work is, in the words of Miley Cyrus, pretty cool:

Wikipedia calls it "poetic modernism" but I prefer "Corbusier Goes to Mykonos." He's still alive and I'd hire him to design my Pensacola Beach compound toots sweet.

Rider Strong

2011-02-08T21:37:00.004-05:00

The face on this 'Gentleman Rider' resembles that of a Nazi villain in some also-ran '90s WWII movie like Shining Through (or Teddy Roosevelt, according to Pete), but the rest of composition is sort of fabulous, no?

My birthday is less than a month away. Who wants to win it for me at Doyle tomorrow?

Thanks in advance.

Dance Party Wow Wow Friday

2011-02-04T17:54:00.003-05:00

See, I did it. This is how I want to ~~lip synch~~ sing, dress, and dance until forever. Would also burn all my coffee table books to have those legs. Happy weekend urrybody!

Chic of the Week

2011-02-03T16:51:00.006-05:00

If I blogged more than twice a month I'd devote some time to regular features like "Dance Party Wow Wow Fridays", "What the French Call a Certain 'I Don't Know What'" and the title of this post. Then again, some weeks there just isn't any chic. At least in territory not already covered by Jennifer. But today I can't stop looking at this image from the March Veranda:

photograph by Max Kim-Bee

An entry hall of a big ol' Charles Platt house in Nashville, sublimely renovated and decorated by Gil Schafer and David Netto, respectively (both esteemed F.O.M.s, or Friends of Mugatu). Here's all you need to be chic this week:

- A tumbling block marble floor in shades of black, white, and the unexpected travertine/limestone
- A felt skirted table WITHOUT A GLASS TOP and some blue and white porcelain that didn't come from Pearl River
- Balloon-back French chairs with tatty old butterscotch leather seats
- A William Kent style console AND mirror, one chalky and one parcel gilt (if Christopher Hodsoll didn't make these I'm a monkey's uncle).
- A lamp that looks like something out of your stoner aunt's studio in Laurel Canyon.
- A Basquiat.

Easy enough, right?

MOSTE

2011-01-28T18:31:00.006-05:00

Behold the chicness that is this chair by MOSTE, a new line of furniture and accessories designed by my friend (and fellow Domino darling) Michael Bargo and Billy Cotton. The collection is carried exclusively at Bergdorf Goodman and is making all my Donald Judd/Gerrit Rietveld/Memphis Group dreams come true! From what I've seen the palette consists of black and white with bits of yellow, lacquer for weeks ... divine. If Michael weren't such an insanely talented and charming southern gentleman I might have to hate him LIKE WHOA. But he told me working on the line has made private clients seem like a cake walk so I felt better for half a second. Bravo, dahlink!

Nanooked

2011-01-24T11:10:00.003-05:00

"How can another designer have the exact same idea?"

It's too cold outside to think so I'd prefer to stay indoors and pretend to live inside this movie. Take note, ballet scrims bring out the natural exhibitionist in France's future first lady. Also: Mayomi McCampbell.

Sigh.

Hephaestus of Greenwich Village

2011-01-14T20:53:00.012-05:00

One of best parts of my job is getting to see how stuff gets made. Fancy stuff. I must have a bit of my father's tinkering nature because while he was taking carburetors apart and putting them back together I was doing the same with, oh, peasant blouses. These days I love trekking out to Queens (ahem) to visit the upholsterer or Brooklyn to the plaster guru's workshop. So imagine my delight when Dara Caponigro, editor-in-chief of Veranda, invited to me to tour P.E. Guerin, Manhattan's only foundry and purveyor of heavy metal fantasies for over 150 years!

It's nothing short of a miracle that this place still exists in a neighborhood of $12 million town houses and hipper-than-thou restaurants. Our insanely knowledgable guide, Martin Grubman, started in the showroom

then the catalog room (where labels bear words like "serpents")

and quickly whisked us up three flights to see where the magic happens:

That's molten brass, folks. Heated to about 2000 degrees and poured into molds made of sand. I still don't exactly get how that works, but it makes the most finely detailed lever handles out there:

But they don't pop out so perfect -- a team of finishers brushes away the sand, chisels away the excess, polishes each piece to a sheen or hand-tints them to minimize that Versace Home Collection look. Guerin (still a family-owned business, btw) also plates in any metal except chrome. Fine because I don't particularly care for chrome! He's turning a knob you most certainly won't find at Home Depot:

These folks have worked on everything from Packard Motor Cars to La Leopolda but will also turn your porcelain vase into a gorgeous lamp or replicate a favorite belt buckle. No pretense whatsoever. As Martin put it, "People ask all the time if we have a minimum. I say you have to order one." Love that.

I'm easily distracted by beautiful, shiny things and am not sure how much work I'd get done with such a bounty casually strewn about:

But they seem to manage. Reality struck when Room & Board called to say they arrived two hours early for a delivery, forcing me to miss the festive lunch afterward. Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous. Alas, what an inspiring morning -- artisanal craftsmanship is alive and well in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction. Thanks so much to Dara and Veranda and please check out this groovy little online tour (courtesy of Anthropologie, though they don't come out and tell you). Vive le Guerin!

2 - 0 - 1 - 1

2011-01-07T17:34:00.007-05:00

Is going to be a good year, right? I know I went on a little hiatus (do only professors get to take 'sabbaticals'? I guess they're longer and doesn't the word sound a bit religious and/or medical?), but I missed each and every one of you. Except for the ones who didn't buy me any presents -- you're DTM.

Kidding! I got swamped with a bunch of projects and then had a lovely family Christmas at Aunt Pat's in serene, suburban Pennsylvania, where I averaged six cookies per hour and successfully navigated the byzantine channels necessary to buy booze in that state. (Poor travelers who've ever looked for the beer section at Wawa know what I mean). Puritan founders, go figure. I did not however catch fire whilst setting foot inside the Lutheran church on Christmas Eve, nor did I confuse show tune lyrics for hymns. (Two years ago: "What's the carol that goes, 'Make of our hands one haaaand'?" My sister: "That's from the end of West Side Story, you idiot.") Anyway look what Santa Pat hath brought:

I'm obsessed! She and Sisterbelle both added to my coffee table book ~~addiction~~ collection with this and this and much more and I tried to shower them back with a similar bounty. Dad got a shirt.

But back to 2011. Aaliyah, what's the word up there in heaven?

Exactly what I was thinking. What do we like in terms of resolutions? So far I've kept to one coffee per day and have cut out diet soda completely. The moratorium on fried food is another [tragic] story. I also want to be more organized, write more letters and postcards, and keep in better touch with family and friends. What about design-y ones? My new mantra is "If you have to squint to like it, don't buy it." Also, new concept: Solids. Almost every pattern in the universe makes my eyes hurt lately!

What are yours?

I went mad for

2010-12-14T11:18:00.007-05:00

This month's Lonny! It's fabulous -- Michelle, Patrick, Ellie and Co. nabbed Albert Hadley, dean of American decorators. What a coup! Plus they're the first people in recent memory to use one my fave old Decorator's Walk (now Schumacher) prints, "Hiro," on this snappy holiday table:

Here we are at Morandi, throwing items on the wall to see if they stick:

And here's what I'm stuck on:

That adorable chair above is covered in one of the new Oscar de la Renta fabrics for Lee Jofa -- check out Mugatu's Emerald Satin Fantasy Suite, created for the NY showroom. It's a mad, mad, madly chic world!

If you don't have

2010-12-10T13:46:00.008-05:00

Some kind of animal in your store/store window this holiday season, you're over. Tory has a pair of gigunda Lite-Brite stags (above, requiring 2,025,000 pegs each). Kate's Paperie and Jamie Meares have peacocks:

Uniqlo forced a plushie zebra to wear polar fleece. "We Are the Superlative Conspiracy" (HUH?) wins points for its papier-mâché wolf, and I wish I could find a better photo of Opening Ceremony's huge ostrich vitrine at the Ace Hotel (that's its rump on the left):

Funny because Mugatu was just telling me about a certain lady's (whose code name derives from this Bobbie Gentry chestnut) Christmas decoration in epic detail, as is his way. Apparently she has all manner of gilt bronze fawns scattered hither and thither, making me think there's a Skull & Bones-type meeting in the basement of the Met every season to decide what counts as chic.

So what's your Holiday Animal? I'm deciding between this Waylande Gregory leopard (available at Flair):

Or the common lemur.

The Feeling is Miuccia

2010-11-23T22:26:00.006-05:00

So I really just wanted to use that title (inspired by the divoon Mrs. B.), but I'm also back in Northwest Florida where it hit 76 degrees today. I was laying out by Pa Olsen's cement pond on a vinyl chaise with Enrique Iglesias blasting on the radio. Had I been transported back to 1999? I didn't have a BlackBerry then, or contractors calling me on it, or much else to do but watch Melrose Place reruns and freebase Triscuits before tackling an epic trigonometry problem entitled "The Water in a Lake." (I should've sued over the trauma we all suffered leading up to Mrs. Calley's announcement: "There is no solution. Whoops!")

Anywhiz, Pilgrim-centric holidays aside, for me the Gulf Coast now always translates to "vacation." And isn't that what Ms. Prada sends down the runway, spring season after spring season?

She loves her some postcard prints and so do I. JJ Fad --I mean Crew--got on it:

And is it creepy that a movie about a gay serial killer might be one of my all-time favorites (again, '99 was a good year)?

Forrest Gump's mom said "Vacation's when you go somewhere ... and you don't ever come back." Doesn't Dickie Greenleaf know it.

(Now playing)

Wheel of Fortune

2010-11-18T15:52:00.006-05:00

Siena Duomo, y'all.

(Never knew he sings "The wheel has brought no fortune" -- what about buying that Beatles song catalog back in '84, eh?)

Me, yesterday: Wish me luck!
Sister: You are a star. Kill them with your grace and charm just like Vanna White.

Reminds me, some crazy talent has come out of Myrtle Beach, SC.

The Climb

2010-11-11T23:20:00.004-05:00

Wrapping up Unintentional Emerald Week here at Nick Olsen Style International I just have to post about this climbing leopard by Diane von Furstenberg (I'll cop to pronouncing it "Dee-ahn" like a pretentious fashion twit) for The Rug Company:

It's a riff on Fornasetti, no? I'd Google but The Real Melting Faces of Beverly Hills is on.

More, More, More

2010-11-09T19:35:00.008-05:00

Check out this amazing project by Sam Schwartz of Illusions, a full-service interior design firm in beautiful downtown Long Beach, NY:

photos by Thomas Loof for New York Magazine

Kidding! Of course it's Mugatu's. I know I'm biased and this blog might lately be mistaken for the Miles Redd PR Machine but GOOD GRIEF, quel chicitude. And so funny that a commenter mentioned Stephen Tennant on my preceding satin sofa post because this particular client, a gentleman and a scholar, owns a satin sofa and reminds us of Tennant and his literary counterpart Cedric Hampton in the best ways possible! Anyone who references smelling salts and quips "let's make a bonfire of the vanity" in email correspondence deserves to live in such splendor if you ask me.

Kindly note:
- faux basalt half-urns are the new foo dogs
- primary colors and jewel tones can live in harmony
- black paper shades make it so none of the lamps have to match

Read the NYMag article by Wendy Goodman here.

Wolf Like Me

2010-11-08T16:35:00.005-05:00

Someone at Wolf Home (formerly Silk Trading Company) is reading my mind. Solid silk satin 20" square pillows with down inserts in a range of pretty colors? Check. Silk velvet ones in squares and lumbars too? Check check. Tufted sofa with buttoned waterfall skirt and single seat cushion in EMERALD GREEN SATIN???

Check, check, check my pulse I might pass out. She ain't cheap but how refreshing, especially with all that Belgian linen across the street.

(Now playing)

November Rain

2010-11-04T21:16:00.007-04:00

A friend of mine works at THE "It" restaurant in town and regularly makes it rain for her coworkers with all the swag she receives from folks angling for a corner booth. We all know that's reserved for Ryan Seacrest and the president of Rwanda (not kidding).

Anyway this month the press gods made it rain for my dear Mugatu, with spreads in both Elle Decor AND the newly revamped Veranda:

On the cover!! (More photos here.) This was by far the funnest project I ever assisted on -- the owners personify southern hospitality and the 'Everything is Bigger in Texas' spirit. When we'd finished our installation the lady of the house called her friend: "Come over and see! And wear a Depend, gurl, 'cause you're gonna wet your pants!!" It's Miles meets Mario meets Dorothy Draper and Cecil Beaton's lovechild and I'm so pumped for the world to see.

And while we're on the topic, everyone needs to subscribe to this mag right now. New Editor-in-Chief Dara Caponigro, Senior Style Editor Eugenia Santiesteban (both ex-Domino-ers) and other shelter world vets are bringing the chic BIG TIME. Veere Grenney's London project makes me want to ditch bold colors for bruise colors, it's that quietly luxe:

Oh, and if you want your design problems solved by a deer in the headlights, click here.

Items

2010-10-20T19:01:00.009-04:00

If brevity is the soul of wit then I have none. (Wit, I mean. Sold the soul for some silk velvet and a moon pie years ago). Anyway I guess the Lady Meares didn't rub off on me this past weekend at Mar-kitt because she'd title this post 'Items,' load some pics, finish in six words or less and still make me chuckle. But back to Haut Point for a second: Forget "The Next Six Days That Matter"-- a more apt description would've been "The Butch and The Belgian." Seriously, is Restoration Hardware making so much money that every other showroom needs to copy their look?? I love a leather club chair and some bleachy/gray wood just as much as the next chain store shopper, but c'mon. It was like RLX Vervoordt up in that galleria, redeemed only by open bars around every corner.

So I wish I could say all the furniture and accessories heading your way are inspired by these items ... I'll list 'em anyway:

Primary colors. This is the snazziest two-dollar book I've bought on the street in a long time. They just don't make hombres like they used to.

Plaster Giacometti lamps. I saw a copy like this one at a thrift store recently and thought "Hot diggity dang, here's my chance!" Right. What is wrong with America when they're charging less on 1stDibs??

Saw the real deal (I think) at Mrs. MacDougall this morning along with some gorgeous J-M Frank benches and cool Hinson lighting -- sort of like a lightbox drinks table in, guess what, primary colored plexi. The rich [stores] are different.

Print hybrids. What's a teopard? Right now pretty much my favorite animal.

Dear Diary

2010-10-08T09:38:00.005-04:00

Photo by Jeff Hirsch

Just a heads up that my little corner of an old, cold, run-down tenement slum is featured on the New York Social Diary House section today. I'm pleased as punch and a little shocked actually -- reminds me of Jewel comparing her first album selling 12 million copies to "a Datsun winning the Indianapolis 500." In any case I'm a big fan of this series and am proud to be in such esteemed company. Thanks to Sian Ballen, Lesley Hauge and Jeff Hirsch for a fun morning!

(Still no headboard, but that's Sally's painting up there! Love.)

Exultation

2010-10-06T23:58:00.004-04:00

I could sit here on this discount chintz and pretend like I don't watch every episode of Jersey Shore, worship at the altar of Chick Fil-A, or buy entire suits (GASP) from H&M, but I do. And because my mother's side is 100% Lutheran I'm crippled with guilt over all of it. Yet there are moments in this life that remind me to aspire to more than just a QVC line or paid nightclub appearances, that true beauty and pageantry still exist in 2010, and that green hedges are entirely bourgeois. This is one such moment:

(Dedicating this to Sean as thanks for the link.)

Think Pink

2010-10-01T13:33:00.011-04:00

So October is breast cancer awareness month and in lieu of wearing a giant pink ribbon on my bonnet I've compiled some fave examples of the shade. Please, please visit the Susan G. Komen foundation and make a donation to help moms, sisters, daughters, and friends everywhere. Thanks to my homegirl Mrs. B. for the call to action.

Pal Rebecca's photograph of my pink plastic toy Rolls.

Trident gum! (Bubblicious is for skanks.)

In the Pink: Dorothy Draper -- America's Most Fabulous Decorator (true story) by Carleton Varney and Dilys Blum's Shocking! The Art and Fashion of Elsa Schiaparelli. Those gals knew from pink.

L.A.'s salmon-striped Castillo del Lago, once a hideout for Bugsy Siegel and later home to Breathless Mahoney.

Pink peonies. So worth the ten bucks a stem on 28th street.

Gwen Stefani as a pink afro'd bride in the "Simple Kind of Life" video.

And of course Mugatu's 'carnation pink' satin living room. If I had a dollar for every poor soul who's asked what Benjamin Moore shade this is ...

Circus Circus

2010-09-30T16:32:00.003-04:00

Sorry to go M.I.A. on ya fine folks. I've been a busy little bee lately, juggling a bunch of decorating projects and spending far too much time at Housing Works. Never thought I'd be that jackass who moans when they won't price a "Just In" donation THAT I WANT TO BUY NOW. But before we get back to our regularly scheduled consciousness streaming, why not check out my latest circus-themed trendspotting post for design*sponge? Carnie (not Wilson) style is so hot right now!!

ELLE.com

2010-09-15T00:00:00.004-04:00

Hello, possums. Just a little heads up that I started contributing to ELLE.com in their Life & Love section. And I'm living for it and loving it!

Inaugural post: Do you know your velvets? Hmm?? Do you know your cuts of meat?

I think handing Cher your meat purse is the crowning achievement in any artist's career.

Anyway: stay tuned to ELLE.com for more decorating and fashion protein. Thanks to Keith Pollock and Britt Aboutaleb for the opportunity!

Nick Olsen Stylistics

2010-09-09T12:13:00.009-04:00

Feeling everything about this song (PT knows why) and album cover, especially Airrion Love's pullover, the color of saffron -- IT shade for Fall, I promise -- or a lion's mane:

Speaking of Leos:

I wish she'd recorded every song ever written, and without Paul Shaffer.

Oh tall grasses are also very chic. Can we make a little fantasy vignette out of this? I'm seeing Madagascar cloth walls and sisal bouclé like in the late, great Hinson & Co. showroom. Saffron cotton velvet Breck sofa with kuba cloth and magenta satin pillows, a loden green leather cockfighting chair, black lacquer Chinese coffee table, and this Helen Frankenthaler. That is not everything, but everything is still You.

Give It a Re-think

2010-09-08T00:04:00.012-04:00

Stick a fork in Summer 2010, she's done. I've been busier than ever with work -- not complaining -- but my tan isn't what it should be. Though Duane Reade did start carrying aerosol dry oil which makes the most precious whirring sound. Apologies to the Italian family next to me on Long Beach for any overspray.

Anyhoo I'm still on a word kick here. Currently obsessed with corny corporate expressions like "Give it a think" and "I don't have the bandwidth for that right now." My creative consultant pal Michael gifted me "We don't have the brandwidth for that" and Shane says there's an ad sales practice called roadblocking?? This all counts as exoticism for the self-employed.

And I've got lots of time for Thinks while assembling a truckload of CB2 furniture, but lately I've come across so much that deserves a Re-think:

Bath ensembles. I just tried to stage a powder room and was appalled at the utter hideosity of accessories out there. Okay, sure I could run to Waterworks and drop a small fortune on gorgeous pewter and rattan, but then I'd have no money left over for ... anything. What's so wrong about solid colors and pure geometry, even in plastic? I bought my black lacquer Jonathan Adler set six years ago (when it was still sold at Bed Bath & Beyond) and haven't found anything to rival it on the design-price spectrum since. Time to rethink the Amethyst Hibiscus Explosion above.

Tissue boxes. I know the point is to cover these, and that Kleenex tried to jazz up the packaging a few years back, but what's going with the smoky flower damask fantasy up there? Seriously hurts my peepers in the paper aisle.

Inexpensive lamp shades. An 80-dollar shade can make a flea market lamp sing (you thought I'd go for "shine," didn't you?) but who wants to spend that much to fix, say, Horchow's mistake? Not me. Target has some great classic shapes but they all seemed to be covered in fabric or have that Ikea-ish, base-mounting armature which makes it impossible to use a harp. A faux-leather bell shade but no simple ivory paper Empire? I think not.

Happy Talk

2010-08-20T19:21:00.004-04:00

I suppose every decorator is a bit of collector regardless of his or her aesthetic. We like to keep an inventory, and a warehouse full of Gustavian furniture, while perhaps illogical, won't land you on 'Oprah' or Hoarders any time soon. Let us list all my collections since birth: suspenders, seashells, Matchbox and die-cast model cars, gemstones, marble eggs, all manner of brass objets, movie and museum posters, illustrated books, decorative boxes ... I'm sure I'm forgetting a few. Oh, and chairs!

But I also collect words and expressions. I probably get this from my father, who once told me in an airport terminal (I forget the topic of our convo),

"Nickolas, that's not worth a tinker's darn!"

"What is that supposed to mean?? Do you have some almanac of archaic terms? I mean, what's a tinker anyway?"

"Well, uh, I think it's someone who makes barrels --"

"That's a cooper."

Apparently a tinker was an itinerant tradesman who mended pots and pans during the colonial era, but nonetheless this turn of phrase helped him make a point.

And I will get to mine eventually. I also grew up mimicking my older sister and her friends, because let's face it, mine were a total snore compared to girls with boyfriends and names like "Desiree." Sis was a ballerina and dancers have their own distinctive argot full of silly little words and abbreviations. An "in crowd" of sorts but quirkier, and more focused. I wanted in.

I felt those same pangs back in 1995 when Isaac Mizrahi's Unzipped actually made it to University Mall Cinemas in Pensacola. The absurd self-importance of fashionese! Fast forward to Cycle 406 of America's Next Top Model and this exchange which refuses to leave my brain:

Judge Andre Leon Talley: “You don’t go to the dreck poupette level. You go to the high level. High fashion.”

Guest Judge Pat Cleveland: “High fashion.”

Andre: “High fashion!”

Pat: “High fashion! She has to learn to say 'hi' to fashion.”

TYRA (pseudo-flustered): “What’s happening??”

Sheer idiotic magic, Ty-Ty; that's what's happening. Oh and I could literally watch Rachel Zoe episodes on repeat until she comes up with a worthy follow-up to "I die!" Where word salad is concerned (that's another Pa Olsen term), I guess I'm obsessed with point at which completely ludicrous pronouncements lose the wink-wink and become serious and cool-making. Master, I bow to thee.

Sadly decorators aren't quite granted this kind of poetic license. We talk about fabrics and shapes all day long but "I look at that bullion fringe, I DIE!" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Or cool factor. Karl is right: Fashion is ephemeral, cruel and unfair. Decorating is slow and downright mensch-y in comparison. But I'm totally gonna keep mimicking the way my friend Chris Benz says the word 'look': "Kelly's really working a lewk today." In fact she was.

Shop Furbish

2010-08-11T15:13:00.005-04:00

Ladies and gentleman, this a big day. My friend and whirling decorating dervish Jamie "Furbish" Meares has just launched her online store, ShopFurbish. Cuteness abounds. So support her entrepreneurship and buy a little piece of happy today!

I swear, I'm filled with such a combination of pride and jealousy that I might as well change my name to Dina Lohan.

Kidding. Go Jamie!

Point of Comparison

2010-08-10T17:15:00.004-04:00

The song "Bruises" by Chairlift (honestly, were all the good band names taken?)

reminds me so much of a little ditty from my youth called "Mouth," by Merril Bainbridge:

Thoughts? I sort of miss when novelty acts could crack the top ten. Jewel apparently cried the first time she heard "Who Will Save Your Soul?" on the radio because she thought her voice sounded like Kermit the Frog's, and later compared her debut album selling 12 million copies to "a Datsun winning the Indianapolis 500." Never, ever again.

Shell Shocked

2010-08-09T17:17:00.002-04:00

This fabulous overdoor stopped me in my tracks today:

Upper East Side haters, quit hatin'!!!

everyone else is doing it so why can't we?

2010-08-05T12:49:00.009-04:00

photo: the late, great Richard Avedon

As if this blog wasn't a big enough outlet for my stream of consciousness and decorating non sequiturs, I also tweet. Did you know? I do. Sporadically. I'm still learning and it makes me feel like Kathy Griffin's mother on Faceplace, but nonetheless please follow me @nickolsenstyle.

And her, here.

* A free Paul Evans credenza goes to the first commenter who gets my title reference!

Spongeworthy

2010-08-05T10:09:00.005-04:00

Exciting news today: I've just started contributing to one of my favorite corners of the Internet, design*sponge. Adorable impresario Grace Bonney asked me to round up trends in style and decorating a couple times each month and I finally got off my butt and did so, learning how to make those groovy photo collages in the process. Win-win! The first theme is Brutalism. Next up: crosshatch prints inspired by waffle fries?

(Mugatu has suggested I incorporate subtle references to Chick Fil-A until the chain bows to my wishes and opens a New York franchise. Previous anon commenter: Yes, there is a CFA 'Express' in the NYU food court, but it's closed for the summer and never carries the full menu anyway. Plus I can't pass for a co-ed that much longer!!)

Anyhoo, thanks to Grace and Amy A. for their help and patience. Keep checking back for more design deliciousness!

Vanderhurd

2010-08-02T17:04:00.008-04:00

Last week I visited my pal Mary Nelson (that's a two-part first name because she's a proper Southern girl) up the street at Vanderhurd's studio which might as well be Aladdin's Cave of Noho:

They've been in the business of custom fabrics and rugs for over 25 years and can whip up your wildest textile fantasy. Check out just a few of the Talitha Getty-esque patterns and color combos:

"Bespoke" does translate to "Be prepared to wait," but aren't these worth it? West Elm's tiger dhurrie is cute and all but that yellow-green-raspberry number at top just sends me.

Note: Like my friend Mrs. Blandings I receive lots of product submissions, ranging from the truly bizarre (Snuggies) to the entirely charming (fabrics and such). But also like Mrs. B I don't accept swag and only want to spotlight the exceptional, and Ms. Vanderhurd's wares are gobsmackingly pretty and original.

Disclaimer to the Note: If the kind Baptists at Chick Fil-A were to offer me a year's supply of free nuggets in exchange for, say, my soul, I might reconsider this policy.

I Am Loving It

2010-07-28T18:51:00.010-04:00

No, this is not a McDonald's endorsement. On Mugatu's recommendation I just saw I Am Love (Io sono l'amore), which tells the story of the Recchi family:

An Agnelli-esque manufacturing dynasty whose lives are equal parts raging melodrama and quiet chicness. This is the most stylish film I've seen in 2010, to the point that I'd now like to be reincarnated as one of Tilda Swinton's (who speaks flawless Italian AND Russian in her role) immaculately tailored shifts. Other points of inspiration:

The Recchi compound, actually Milan's Villa Necchi Campiglio. Note its massive mahogany central stair, grounded by a saffron-colored low pile carpet and succulent garden. Saffron and loden green is the new color combination, by the way.

Family matriarch Allegra's (the delicious Marisa Berenson channeling Fe Fendi, according to Muugs) sitting room. Here she chats tensely with Russkie-born daughter-in-law Emma on the edge of a canapé stacked with Old Masters while two perfectly comfy chairs and a servant beckon in the foreground. Icy hot!

More servants and curtain embroidery that would make the gals at Penn & Fletcher weep.

Starkly unadorned walls (like in the photo at top) and this monolithic green marble fireplace behind gramps. The anteroom it anchors contains two very simple, two-seater sofas with jade green linen slipcovers, contrast piping, and no pillows. You know that I know that high-low is the way to go.

Whoa.

The storyline sort of drags as much as it soars, but if you love food (allegory alert) or interiors or smart cashmere separates you'll be in heaven. If not, go see it for Tilda's performance alone ... in my opinion she and Annette Bening (from The Kids Are All Right) will be vying for Best Actress next year.

Honorable Mentions

2010-07-27T22:52:00.007-04:00

To my Sportif Car of the Summer contest:

Lemon yellow International Harvester Scout.

Battleship gray Volkswagen Type 181, known colloquially as "the Thing" (cough, cough).

90s teal Saab 900 Cabriolet. Boxy is back.

(Can you tell I miss driving? Meanwhile those losers at the MTA want to cap 'unlimited' Metrocards at 90 rides per month. No fair!!)

It's a Jolly Holiday

2010-07-27T11:37:00.006-04:00

Having subscribed to Old Car Trader for three years of my childhood, I pride myself on still being able to identify most makes and models. I know my Firebirds from my TransAms and can tell you what year Mercedes switched to ugly safety bumpers on their SL convertibles (1974).

So it's rare that I come across a completely new, old car. I first spotted the Fiat Jolly in Vanity Fair this month, photographed outside of some high-hedged Palm Beach manse. Is this not the perfect car for summer?? No doors, wicker seats, and an awning-stripe top. I'm obsessed! Apparently only about 100 Jollys remain in existence, but I bet George Clooney keeps one on Lake Como, right next to his Top Secret Waitress Girlfriend Cloning Laboratory.

Two Redds

2010-07-20T15:23:00.009-04:00

Are having a moment right now and deserve your attention. First is Ms. Candi Redd (née Vamecia Rhodes)

a Houston native who gives us the immortal lyric "Ricky Bobby/Stanky Leg/Jig Get It Big" on her obscenely catchy new single "Independent" (NSFW, unless you work for Diddy).

Next is of course Atlanta's own Miles Redd, the Artist ~~Formerly~~ Still Known As Mugatu, who gets it big big BIG in this month's Town & Country with a 16-page story (!!) on an equally epic undertaking:

That's Muugs with fellow Atlantans Glen and Danielle Rollins, friends and owners of Boxwood, the jewel in architect Philip Shutze's crown. The house and gardens go on for months! Here's my fave shot of their peacock blue satin living room (via The Peak of Chic):

Mega-chic!!! I'm a little sad they didn't include the third floor, Mongiardino-inspired movie room, but alas. This project came early during my tenure as Number 2 -- one I never saw in person, though I easily earned a Masters degree in scenic wallpaper configuring the DeGournay in Danielle's dressing room! Kudos to Miles and Danielle's collaborative effort and thank the decorating gods for clients who really WENT for it. As they say down South it just shows, honey.

Astrological Society Analysis: Bunny Mellon

2010-07-13T11:18:00.004-04:00

Soon-to-be centenarian Rachel "Bunny" Lambert Mellon (b. August 9, 1910; a Leo) gives her first official interview since 1969 in Vanity Fair this month to James Reginato. The Listerine/steel heiress still loves to garden, employing some 100 folks to maintain her Virginia compound, Oak Spring Farms, where Rothkos hang next to Shaker benches and trompe l'oeil murals depict her work clothes and cigarettes. Bunny doesn't do pretense. She does, however, apparently love a Gemini dude. To wit:

1. Paul Mellon (b. June 11, 1907; pictured above), heir to the Mellon Bank fortune and second husband.

2. Robert Isabell (b. June 2, 1952), event designer par excellence and companion of 25+ years.

3. John Edwards (b. June 10, 1953), sleazebag politician and object of Bun-Bun's significant largesse (allegedly siphoned through her decorator!), intended to "save the world" from Dubya.

I'm grasping to figure out her attraction to the Twins man ... is it because she herself inhabited two (or more) worlds? I do love that she and Paul tired of the grand, neo-Georgian house designed by William Adams Delano and built a farmhouse/pseudo-hamlet on the same property. Talk about duality! Or perhaps she found a kindred spirit in the Gemini: according to Starsky and Cox he's "the zodiac's premier urbane figure, the proverbial man on the pavement with his ear perpetually to the ground and his finger on the pulse of cultural trends." After all, we're talking about a woman who was on a first-name basis with Diego Giacommetti, Joseph Pilates, and Carl Jung and who entertained presidents and queens.

In any case, Bunny's Leo-like loyalty (she relied on Balenciaga to create every stitch of her clothing until his retirement, then switched to Givenchy) should be admired. Consistency is chic. Brava, Bunny -- I hope you live to 125!

Ranch Undressing

2010-07-05T19:40:00.013-04:00

As you know I'm back in the Bible Belt and instead of collecting tar balls on the beach I've been tooling around in the Green Manatee (family minivan) and checking out real estate. It's sort of my favorite pastime.

Okay, freebasing Chick Fil-A nuggets is my true fave but playing the "What would I do differently?" game, neighborhood by neighborhood, ranks a close second. And I'm finally ready to broach a subject that's bothered me since birth ... probably a touchy one but I know I'm not alone here, so let's just rip the Band-Aid off the hairy arm:

If you own a home and that home has shutters (traditional, plantation or otherwise) and those shutters aren't operational, kindly remove them and take them to the landfill.

For serious! Make your own shutter/shudder joke here, but they're meant to swing on hinges and cover the entire (non-picture) window, and are usually found on house styles that predate WWII. This looks ridiculous:

Neo-colonial door surrounds, I'm talking to you too. Why not embrace the ranch-iness of your house and go shutter-free, like these folks did:

Maybe this is a good time to talk about ranch style houses in general. I used to hate 'em but, then again, I used to hate the color purple ("YOU told Mugatu to beat me!") and coffee. But Paul Rudolph changed my mind:

Above is a house the mid-century master designed in my old Pcola neighborhood. Horizontally, asymmetrically chic, right? Here's its unpedigreed cousin across town:

A bit more 'Brady Bunch' meets Methodist day care center, but I still love! But neither of these examples have the stock, side-by-side windows many ranch owners are stuck with. Entire blogs are devoted to this topic but here's my fairly cheap and straightforward approach to houses like Goldenbrick (third from the top which I think has great potential):

Paint all exterior walls -- brick, stucco, cement block, shingles, siding -- off-white. Benjamin Moore's Atrium White or the slightly darker China White are nice options for avoiding the blinding brightness of Home Depot primer. Tempted to go darker? Don't, because let's be real: "greige" looks as dreary as it sounds. If you have nice, wood-framed or steel casement windows, paint those high-gloss black. Fat aluminum/vinyl-clad versions should stay off-white.

Ditch any aforementioned door surrounds, classical columns rendered in plastic, balustrades and swirly wrought iron supports or railings. Replace with simple square wood posts (no trim on base or capital) or round metal as in Ranch #2's overhang entry.

Replace low-pitched roofing materials with galvanized metal. Too spendy? (I honestly wouldn't know; I rent.) Dark grey or black asphalt shingles will do.

Paint the front door a bright, pure color like kelly green, tulip red, lemon yellow, or electric blue in oil-based high gloss ... also do you have a screen door? Take that to the landfill along with the vinyl shutters. They may actually serve a purpose but can't you get an insect-free breeze going by opening a screened window? Screen doors always look rickety and dirty, and they annihilate a pretty entry. Front-facing garage doors stay off-white.

Rip out ALL landscaping elements save mature trees (did I mention this is a minimalist makeover?) and replace with a single row of crisp boxwood hedge along the facade, with maybe another single row on one side of a front walk. No fountains, birdfeeders, sago palms, evergreen topiaries ... just straight horizontal lines. Keep sod trimmed to golf course height.

I can already hear the cries: "Painted brick takes maintenance!" Well, I really don't mind paint chipping off colored brick; just pressure wash every now and then and let it age naturally. Same for rust on galvanized roofing.

Of course this is all take-it-or-leave-it unsolicited advice, but please take it and be finished by next week. And send photos!

Red, White and My Boo

2010-07-04T14:59:00.007-04:00

Happy Fourth from the Gulf Coast! Call your congressperson and scream about the tragedy that is this oil spill, but first enjoy my bits of patriotic inspiration:

Cole Haan Air Colton Saddle Oxfords (where's this color combo on their site??)

A Twombly painting I just homage'd for my condo decorating project (pictures to come!)

And Madge's tone deaf clarion call:

We need beauty
We need art
We need government with a heart!

YES.

Small is the New F-ING HUGE

2010-06-26T17:58:00.007-04:00

I want every last one of you to RUN to your newsstand and pick up the July/August issue of House Beautiful because mi amigo David Kaihoi, a.k.a Lil' Sip o' Jesus, a.k.a. Mugatu's current right hand man, has his apartment on the cover!!!! I die die DIE at its chicness!!!!!!!

He and his family occupy 390 square feet smack dab in the middle of Bohemia, or Avenue C in the East Village, and prove that style and storage can go-hand-in-hand. And since David's humility is only surpassed by his talent I'll give you a little backstory: DIY doesn't begin to cover it where Doodad is concerned. This apartment was a character-free white box when they moved in -- those hefty window and door casings? David installed them. That tufted corner banquette? He built and upholstered it himself. Same for the headboard and kiddie trundle, plus he took on the Chinese wallpaper hanging and patching, all the painting AND most of the artwork (he's also a brilliant collage artist and sculptor) ...

I got exhausted just writing that. Oh and did I mention David and his wife, Chic Monique, both work full-time and have an adorable three-year old? I want to be reincarnated as Mirabelle in my next life just to wear her little outfits. These folks have hipster style and Midwestern soul and I love them to pieces. Biggest kudos ever, Davey!!!!!

Swell Name/Blog

2010-06-23T21:40:00.009-04:00

Meet Nick Heywood , who posts on topics I forgot I was thinking about. Like

Imelda Marcos

Encaustic tile,

and Vuillard.

His whole blog is so erudite (drop a quarter in the jar for that word on your way out) and dreamily written it makes my own Haus of Style seem like a double-wide parked under the I-10 overpass.

Bravo, Nick H.!

Gardening with Stephanie Seymour

2010-06-15T20:38:00.006-04:00

I like to think this is how she wound down after big fights with Axl, well before allegedly making off with Peter Brant's Warhols in a Range Rover. I like her style.

(from American Vogue, November 1990, photographed by Eric Boman.)

Shelterpop

2010-06-10T21:10:00.005-04:00

Shot a nice little thingee about coffee tables doing double duty at Casa Noodles/Chez Olsen:

The moral of this story, for those of us without a formal dining room/dining table/socially normative dining situation, is threefold: contain your junk, whup out a real plate and flatware even if you're eating Quiznos, and in general just treat yaself right.

3b) Coconut M&M's! Who knew?

Thanks to Amy Preiser and Alys Kenny for a fun day of "Do we like the pig? Should we kill the pig" -- styling bliss!

P.S. Please forgive the unintential "Blue Steel" in photo #7!!

Barbecues Are for Amateurs

2010-05-31T11:45:00.004-04:00

I plan to have this entire routine down pat by Labor Day:

Hope everyone's having a sunny holiday weekend!

On the beach this summer ...

2010-05-27T00:17:00.007-04:00

Do we rock Hermès

Or HerMadgesty?

(The latter via Sean, who emailed "Shell out for it." I just might!)

Mean Streets

2010-05-21T20:46:00.010-04:00

On SNL's hysterical Bronx Beat (which inexplicably never aired on the Betty White episode) our gals tawk about not having visited Times Square in a decade. Which cracks me up because I'm there EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. -- my condo project is just a falafel's throw from Ripley's Believe It Or Not, Madame Tussaud's, and the biggest Chevy's you've ever seen in your life. Now I'm certain the seventh layer of hell is reserved for slackjawed tourists who barricade subway stairs.

But I have to smile every time I pass a sliver of a building near 8th Avenue, a pre-Giuliani time capsule that makes me feel like Irene Cara with her blouse half off in front of that skeezy photographer in Fame. In a good way. Here's its sign:

Don't we love how the enclosed letter bits are whited out à la William Poll? The lobby is like a miniature Studio 54:

A fire hose enclosure in mirrored tile? Yes, please! I've actually been upstairs because an old friend's auntie lived (or hopefully still does, God and rent laws willing) on a high floor. Wonder if they have office space available for Nick Olsen International?

**NERD ALERT** Yesterday, while in a cab hauling shiz to the aforementioned West Side condo, I saw ROBERT DENIRO AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN just chilling on the terrace at Mr. Chow Tribeca!!!!! I immediately texted my friend Candice, who would still let Bob gentrify her any day of the week.

Bull Durham End Tables

2010-05-19T23:55:00.009-04:00

And now for the part where I get very desperate/lazy and turn the tables, literally,

and ask for your help. I think Ballard's Durham end tables are quite handsome and a steal at $249 each. I need a pair for this epic condo project I'm working on (like, yesterday), so with a flick of the wrist I put two in my shopping cart ...

AND THEY'RE NOT AVAILABLE UNTIL 6/14/10.

Was the red text really necessary, BD? While we're at it, don't label your Coventry Banquette "In stock and ready to ship" if every single component takes 4-6 weeks to deliver, even in a stocked fabric. But back to tables. HomeDecorators used to carry some similar "Figo" series (for more money) but that no longer exists ... I'm considering these new Restoration reclaimed elm Parsons tables but we're at the point when 200 more bucks for end tables means 10 fewer tchotchkes. Any leads out there? The search has led me to some bleaker corners of the Internet -- bupkis. Am I losing my touch?

** INSTANT UPDATE** The RH tables aren't available until 6/12. THIS IS MADDENING.

Art for Art's Sake

2010-05-17T11:13:00.011-04:00

So for those of us who can get frustrated trolling eBay (me) or feel poor just walking past an art gallery (really me) there's Zatista, an online goldmine of original, affordable artwork. Check out some offerings:

30 by Sharis DeJaynes, $150.

Magenta Summer by Susan Grissom, $1800.

Strider by Edward Zelinsky, $100.

You can search by type, medium, style and price which I totally appreciate. One artist not on Zatista (not yet at least) is my friend Sally King Benedict, whom I've come to find out is a favorite of Style Court, Jamie Meares and other bloggerati:

Because she's so friggin' talented! Sally is now Mrs. Read as she got married in Atlanta two weekends ago -- her processional to the lawn was closely guarded by bridesmaids with white parasols until a reveal one guest compared to Madame Butterfly. I wept openly at the beauty. Anyway, she recently relaunched her website and I want every single work. The honeymoon should only bring more inspiration!

Design on a Dime

2010-05-07T14:02:00.009-04:00

I'll get back to blogging about tchotchkes and Debbie Gibson videos soon enough, but first I want everyone to head over to the Metropolitan Pavilion and shop like you mean it at Housing Works' sixth annual Design on a Dime sale. So many amazing vignettes by top designers and merchants. Look at what chicness Mugatu created:

Quite naturally Charlotte Moss ("CharMo" to the cognoscenti) swooped in and scored lots of the goodies, including that adorable red slipper chair, but there are still tons of bargains to be had.

Other faves included Todd Romano

and Steven Sclaroff

All proceeds will help homeless and low income New Yorkers living with HIV and AIDS. Decorate and donate, folks!!

... And We're Back

2010-05-04T01:19:00.012-04:00

From ATL and Savannah. I had a blast! Special thanks to Rebecca G. and every amazing SCAD-et(te) who made this trip happen. Oh and to those who attended our little panel discussions -- I actually learned a lot about the relationship between blogs and mags and hope we imparted some wisdom to the kids ("stalking a potential employer will eventually pay off"). Speaking of students, check out a small sampling of their stellar work:

And yours truly, Rita and Atlanta moderator Richard Mishaan with a student in the interior design department (forgive my expression as her project was actually quite fabulous):

Is it wrong that now I want to go back to art school, live in a 19th century 2-bedroom garden apartment for which I pay pennies, and change my name to Nickels Ogelthorpe?? BECAUSE I DO.

SCAD Style

2010-04-27T16:40:00.007-04:00

Just a little heads up that I'm thrilled to be a part of SCAD Style this year, chatting on a panel with my esteemed blogrades (that's "blogger comrades") Rita Konig, Eddie Ross and Jaithan Kochar! We're doing our shtick -- From Magazine to Monitor: The Rise of the Blog -- in Atlanta AND Savannah, this Thursday and Friday, respectively. I've never visited "The Hostess City of the South" and can't wait to see its gorgeous architecture, meet with SCAD students and get inspired by all their talent. Also just found out that Michelle Adams, Lonny and Rubie Greene's wunderkind/mini-mogul, will be moderating!! She'll keep us on track lest I digress into Dixie Carter eulogies. Now if I can just find a way to meet the Lady Chablis ...

Anyway, come see us if you're in the hood!

Decorating Is a Service Industry

2010-04-21T13:50:00.005-04:00

"When you said that it really clicked," remarked Tim, poster boy for overqualified interns everywhere (or rather differently-qualified ones, meaning he could direct a Broadway musical blindfolded but didn't know his fringes from his gimps).

Of course I was just parroting Miles, who probably had it ingrained by his mentor and recent SCAD Style Étoile honoree Mrs. Bunny Williams, but the adage rings true: decorators, while creative folk, are in a service business. The business of making everyday life prettier, easier and more comfortable for their clients.

So I figure now's a good time to fill you all in on my doings since leaving the nest back in January. I decorated an office for a zingy, mid-size public relations firm, started helping a client-friend on her gorgeous house upstate, and just began the whirlwind process of staging model units for new condominiums. All the while I've kept chugging along with some fab consultation clients. See, I'm hearing over and over how there's a market for people who have a sense of their style, own a few solid pieces, some leftover Ikea from college (or last week's trip to Big Blue), but just need help pulling it all together. That's where I come in. I'll show up, push your furniture around, answer your questions, make recommendations, and talk sources that fit your style and budget. If you want me to draw up a complete furniture plan and lay it all out for you in a scheme board, from rugs to paint colors to window blinds -- or even execute the whole shebang -- I can do that too. However I will NOT insult your prized collections or make that Henri face at your sofa. You must remember the designer from Troop Beverly Hills who replies "Besides burn it?!?" when Phyllis Nefler asks what he can do with her Wilderness Girls uniform. I also won't insist you lacquer every surface of your rental apartment.

Speaking of, I'm genuinely bowled over by the response to my little Diana Vreeland-on-steroids moment. Merci beaucoup!! I knew from the get-go she wouldn't appeal to everyone, but I look at it thusly: the legendary Patricia Field's store windows always cater to an alien tranny stripper clientele, yet as a costume designer she's helmed the more socially normative Hope & Faith and Spin City, in addition to Ugly Betty and The Scourge of Manhattan. Pat's flamboyantly creative, and I imagine her personal aesthetic lies somewhere in between the two poles, but she's providing a service and really does right by her clients. As a decorator if I achieve a tenth of her range, I'll be happy.

And if you're interested in my services -- remember, "Prettier and Easier" -- please don't hesitate to email (see above right). I e-decorate too, which is great for me because then I don't have to miss Idol. Still no TiVo here. Anyway, thanks again for all the kudos!

Bass-Ackwards

2010-04-15T17:20:00.012-04:00

Because who doesn't love a good 'before' shot, even after the big reveal? Witness my little opium den way back in 2008:

Two Japanese girls lived here in complete squalor; they fled the country, leaving tons of ballet flats, a stained papasan chair, and a Klimt poster. I still get their bank statements.

It's probably more of a testament to my mental illness than any muse-like vision that I took one look and thought This Place Has Potential! -- been doing that since birth -- but the price was right and you still can't beat the location. Plus the landlord agreed to let me renovate which is a trickier proposal than you might imagine. So what if I covered up a vestigial fireplace only to fake one on the opposite side of the room?

That gap in the floor marks where a room divider once stood. Yes, the Harajuku girls inhabited side-by-side 6x11 closets! What they lacked in housekeeping skills they certainly made up for in fortitude. Until they left.

Anyway please don't call Health and Human Services on me but I just had to show off!

Lonny!

2010-04-11T12:42:00.008-04:00

Today's the day I reveal this little two-year labor of love: Check out my apartment in the April issue of Lonny! HUGE thanks to Michelle, Patrick, Ellie and Shawn for making dreams come true (and for forcing me to finally get off my bum and finish a million projects). I'm pleased as punch!!!

(Now playing)

Romeo + Juliet

2010-04-10T13:46:00.016-04:00

Sorry to keep chugging along on the Nineties nostalgia train, but my current fixation is Baz Luhrmann's Bill Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, set in contemporary Verona Beach (which in 9th grade I thought was Miami but now looks more like Venice Beach):

Like Marie Antoinette its trailer wholly surpasses the actual movie, but the lush masquerade scene is making me rethink aquariums as a decorating device. I'm also really digging lowriders, cholo culture, and Catholic altar imagery. I'll just keep synthesizing until this all counts as a moment. Witness once-lanky Leo in a garden of crosses

And reconsider Anna Wintour's first Vogue cover:

Chic again! But the real cost of looking good is fewer hours in the VIP room with those "Pretty Wild" monsters. Now if I asked nicely do you think these guys

Would take me on an Escapade?

(Note to Gaga: this is how it's done.) Wig caps as face-lifting do rags?

I'm down. After all Madeleine Castaing held her chin up with a rubber band:

Finally I see Claire Danes on her deathbed and think two things:

1. A merciful end to that hideous melting face she makes when crying and 2. Tony Duquette sure did design some gorgeous jewelry back in the day!

I'll stop myself here. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but nothing compared to what my neighbors endure when I belt out this life-affirming little ditty at the top of my lungs all afternoon.

Basket Case Study

2010-04-06T00:53:00.007-04:00

These Pottery Barn seagrass baskets are what we call the chic:

For firewood, magazines, orange trees ... $69-$129 depending on size. Compare to Mecox's:

for $315-$425, or Garrison Rousseau's (can't find a direct link but had to mention as I'm desperately envious of that name). He customizes 'em with copper liners for the likes of Tory Burch.

This is one case where the look for less doesn't look too much, er, less.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T13:14:00.004-04:00

From Maggie and Kate. (Remember that whole wife-beater-and-ball-skirt look? I liked it.)

Lazy Sunday

2010-03-29T00:58:00.000-04:00

Aside from Mugatu's, I think this might be my fave townhouse in New York:

Doesn't it look like Bunny Mellon's after an occupation by these ladies?

It was cold and overcast today, so after a trip to the Brooklyn flea (where I resisted purchasing a Brutalist mirror depicting all twelve signs of the zodiac) I drifted all the way down State Street and waited for a tenant with a grey pony tail and a hot red hoodie to finish taking out her trash before I snapped this shot.

I don't know if the teal shutters and Crayola blue door were an intended mismatch, but I love. LOVE.

Decorating ESP

2010-03-26T16:43:00.007-04:00

I'm blessed with many ~~circus people~~ friends and kindred spirits but the one I call my PLP ("Platonic Life Partner") unfortunately lives far away in Gainesville, Florida. Kay is an effortlessly glamorous ringer for Katharine Hepburn, whip smart and wickedly funny. She makes Old Navy jewelry look like Verdura, decorates with beachy flair and has that Capricorn knack for ruthless editing, a trait I wish would rub off on yours truly. So of course I wanted to share the fruits of my labor on this apartment and gave her a WORLD! EXCLUSIVE! with a few Bberry pics -- sorry to prolong the tease but you all will see it very soon, promise -- and after some gushing that nearly made me weep onto the keys, she revealed our true soul mate-ness:

Now to tie it all in to ME, I swear, the inspiration board I made could be plunked down right in the middle of that apartment, down to the pic of you opening a bottle of wine, cast in red. I'm taking a picture of it and sending it to you. I kept wondering how it would look as decor (as in: can this inspiration board be turned into a room?). Why yes, it can, and it's your apartment!!!

She's right:

(She threw in this delicious tchotchke for funsies)

Because my entire apartment is essentially Chinese (or octopus?) red, kelly green, and pale blue with some black and white popping in to say HEY. Oh and cobalt blue, that's a paintin' term, cobalt blue (inside joke). Check out Kay's grandmother's stationery and that Il Papiro paper ... beyond chic. So since I'm too lazy to make my own inspiration board, kindly refer to hers to get inside my (our) brain after The Big Reveal. It's gonna happen!

Didn't We Almost Have It All?

2010-03-24T15:49:00.007-04:00

I'm still coming down from a fab weekend in Raleigh with Jamie and Bryn. It had everything I love: sunshine, southern accents, pretty houses with manicured lawns, fried food, and flea markets:

That's Mrs. Meares and me trolling for goodies. She bought a very Jonathan Adler-y blue porcelain elephant and I snagged this Ron Galella book for two bucks:

Turns out nicer copies sell for much more! (By the way how do we feel about this font as a potential logo? Too Rat Pack at the Sands? Bryn prefers it to my previous trad options).

We also got to play decorating professors to a bunch of nice ladies in Jamie's smoking hot store. NO I'M NOT JEALOUS OF HER BURGEONING EMPIRE, NOT AT ALL. I painted a door pink and made a carnation ball. Sheer bliss!

(Now playing)

Swede Peeved

2010-03-17T11:51:00.004-04:00

Why is just about everything worth buying at Ikea not available online? Hmm?? I guess the whole idea is to get you in the Big Blue Box, remind you of all the shite you never knew you needed and stuff your gullet with cinnamon buns and meatballs in the process, but I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT TO PARAMUS THIS WEEK. Sure, they let you check stock at your local store, but what are the odds that the single remaining unit of this rug will actually be there when I finally show up in a borrowed Volvo station wagon? And while we're on the topic of rugs:

I love this simple, pseudo-sisal situation in a modified chevron. So why is it only available in floor mat and runner size? Can't a brother get an 8x10???

Go Ask Alice

2010-03-11T23:35:00.006-05:00

I just saw Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland and lah-huvved it. Even before the Wonderland portion kicked in -- did anyone else want to attend the English country house garden party, tense as it was? Forget rambles and follies, this looked like Versailles. The rest of the film did not disappoint with Colleen Atwood costumes, 3D Burton-esque landscapes and delicious Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen (I champion any character with a cranium bigger than my own). And any movie with a bigger opening weekend than Avatar, which Rebina's new mantreat dubbed "Fern Gully-Pocahontas." Yes. Now if Johnny Depp was channeling Keith Richards as Jack Sparrow, his inspiration for the Mad Hatter must come from an icon of fashion, not music:

Sonia Rykiel. The Queen of Knits has incidentally launched her second collection for H&M:

Madly chic. And while we're on the subject of icons let's not forget who riffed on Lewis Carroll's novel without glossing over the psychedelic/semi-pedophilic factor:

Tom Petty - Don't Come Around Here No More
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Tom Petty is a national treasure. I need more raga and checkerboard spandex unitards in my life.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

2010-03-05T17:16:00.008-05:00

Sorry for the lapse, lovers. It's funny how many projects you can finish when you stop blogging about never finishing them. MAJOR progress at Casa Olsen ... more details soon, but I'll throw out two of my current minor obsessions in the meantimes:

This is the cutest thing I've seen for twenty bucks in months, maybe years. In my favorite commie colors: Black, Red and White! Sean is on the hunt for a bistro table like mine (he doesn't need the chairs) and found the little space age-hair doodad table above. Urban's "UO" line also carries a leather butterfly chair for $248. Not bad.

Obsession Dos:

Elmer's Craft Bond, where have you been all my life? I'm making a felt folding screen right now that I gave up on upholstering (apologies to the downstairs neighbor for when I lost it on my staple gun). This stuff is SO much better than Spray-Mat or any other adhesive I've used and is half the price. Bonds tightly but you can reposition your materials, and the fumes, while present, are bearable and don't leave the thickest stickum film on every object in sight (naturally I'm crafting indoors. It's cold in that back alley!).

Okay, back to glue-gunning the black grosgrain ribbon trim...

For the Love of eBay

2010-02-24T21:49:00.006-05:00

I got a nice little blurb today in The Inside Source, eBay's online magazine. Check out the groovy collage they made of my "What's In" picks:

Related: B&J fabrics just started selling Navajo blanket fabrics by the yard to all the fashion-forward kids at Parsons and FIT. I called this trend months ago and I WON'T LET ANYONE FORGET IT!!! Anyway, thanks to Emily Hsieh for the interview and if I come off a little Fancy with a capital "F" it's because ...

I am. Why fight it?

A Star Is Born

2010-02-23T19:22:00.013-05:00

On dreary February days like this when I'm California dreamin' I ask my L.A. Woman, Amy, why I still live in this frigid pisscan of a city. She recently responded with a bit of gentle torture:

"My sister and I are recharging, after morning shopping and tacos, for our 2 mile stroll through the landscaped paradise of shoulder-to-shoulder Spanish colonials, olive trees, succulents, birds of paradise, oh my!"

Right. And then I crack open Vanity Fair's Hollywood Issue and fixate on this goofy yet alluring image:

Babses Walters and Streisand circa '76 with the latter's ex-hairdresser, Jon Peters, VF's subject and the driving force behind this head-scratcher of a remake:

A Star Is Born (1976). Did you know they wanted Elvis Presley for Kris Kristofferson's role as the addled, has-been rock star? The King may not have filled out KK's white bellbottoms in just the same way, but DUDE, imagine those two divas on screen together. Regardless the movie makes up for its plot gaps and pipe dreams (Streisand as lead singer in a funk-soul girl group called The Oreos??) with style bigger than both stars' hairdos. And now I not only want to live in California, but in a paneled Gothic revival mansion with graffiti on the walls and a boom boom pillow room to boot:

Persian carpet, '40s rattan chair, plaid throw, crochet doily, potted palm, and amplifiers against a hanging tapestry. YES. Here's where it starts hitting the fan (undying love and affection to anyone who can find a full clip of Kris going bats*** in the manse):

Check out the plaster ceiling before Esther (that's the end of her name on the wall) smashes all the liquor bottles! Chicness. And let us not forget the wardrobe:

Chokers and floppy hats need a comeback -- utter the word "Blossom" and you'll get it worse than John Norman Howard in a red Ferrari.

Mexican blanket ponchos, turbans, meander patterns!!! Ageless and evergreen INDEED.

Style Rehash 2

2010-02-19T01:52:00.010-05:00

I'm still in logo purgatory, mainly because I refuse to sit down and draw one myself. So I waste more time fantasizing about other fonts: "Hey, remember the cover for that Marcel Vertes book you saw at the flea market? With the really painterly [and apropos] title It's All Mental?":

Kicking myself for not buying it, but 80 bucks? I probably had to pay Verizon that week. But the V-Man's uneven script is still burned into my psyche, so what about something similarly encephalitic/romantic paired with a classic secondary font à la Harper's Bazaar ?

"Narziss" by Hubert Jocham. Chic, right? Hmm ... wonder how I came up with this brilliant new pairing ... looks sort of familiar ... OH, WAIT:

Fabien Baron's re-design for Interview. Naturally he also dreamed up Linda's iconic Bazaar moment back in the dizzay. Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken, they are! Literally going back to the drawing board ...

Architectural Indigestion

2010-02-14T20:18:00.016-05:00

It seems like hating on certain fabrics has become as clichéd as liking them (wouldn't "Chrysler Imperial Trellis" be the best Before and After EVER on Wheel of Fortune?), but if I see any more bad ripoffs of KelKel's or David Hicks' or Alan Campbell's bold patterns I might have to lose a turn.

I know, I know: I just told you to like this one. Because even though it's an old (and probably discontinued) fabric, interlocking rings haven't been beaten as dead-horse dead as, say, interlocking squares. Looks fresher, at least to me. For five more minutes.

Anyway, when everyone's still doing colorful, Sino-groovy-preppy geometry on white backgrounds my inner contrarian asks "why can't kooky novelty toiles and architectural pastiche prints catch on?!?" Here's my best attempt at making them a meme ... pray on it and then tweet about it:

Gaston y Daniela colonial print from Design Diva, currently on sale for $7.50 per yard. Not the prettiest blue in the world but it's so darn cheap, could we see filling in some of those arches with primary yellow or red fabric paint? Could we acrylic-back it to hang on the walls of a powder room? We could.

Palace Walk by Beacon Hill, $28.81/yard from Discount Fabrics USA. Selling point is the giant 37" vertical repeat but its Sleeping Beauty quality is begging for a thorny hedge or two. In the form of splatter paint. Now for the spendy, trade-only options:

Cité Antique by Pierre Frey. Fauvist doodles of Ionic colimns ... possibly my fave.

Palazzo from PF's current collection. Again, how chic would this be on the walls of a small space? Like the butler's pantry of my classic six on 72nd and Neverland Avenue.

If you haven't already noticed, M. Frey (Amanda will vouch for his existence) also wants this look to catch on. Above is his Hong Kong print, available in a couple colors and in a positive/negative with the background. Meanwhile Schumacher ranks a close second in the archi-novelty department (photos via StyleBeat):

The two greatest cities in the world New York, New York (top) and Views of Paris. Sweet and cartoony but I want more color. 'Tis a bit sad because Shumacher acquired the late, great Decorators Walk and seems to have dropped their more eccentric patterns:

Including the discontinued kelly green Colonnades above. This is just a measly corner of the entire design but enough to make me think fabric houses, like record companies and movie studios, aren't taking enough risks these days.

(Impetus for title here!)

R.I.P.

2010-02-12T03:54:00.002-05:00

Alexander McQueen, an uncompromisingly brilliant designer with a true understanding of the sublime. This video almost brings me to tears.

Let's Hear It For The Boy

2010-02-11T01:10:00.010-05:00

all images via The New York Times

So my friend Zach's teensy Brooklyn studio is featured in the NY Times today, basically redeeming The Grey Lady's recent home offerings (lest we forget this and this). Total chicness! Z's a fierce do-it-yourself-er -- would you ebonize your own floors?? -- and packs more style into 178 square feet than most folks do in a five-bedroom house. Goes for scale and mixes muddy and pure colors with gusto. If Thomas O'Brien and Wes Anderson had a theater major lovechild, he'd live here. Bravo, Zacquisha!

Practically Free

2010-02-09T00:29:00.010-05:00

Handwoven wool 'Mexique' Rug by Nate Berkus for HSN, $139.95 for an 8' x 10'. (No wonder it's almost sold out ... can you even get 10 feet of Astroturf for that little moolah?)

Chic Ikea stainless steel tissue box, $11.99.

Duralee "Ring Toss" cotton print fabric from Design Diva, $6.00 per yard. (UPDATE: Shizz, sale's already over. But they run drastic discounts constantly so check back! UPDATE, PART DEUX: Disregard, sale's back on. Thanks to commenter Jenn for the heads up!)

Fish Net Design Rice Bowl from Pearl River, $3.95 each. For my pinky rings.

Rotten Stone, Rotten Photos

2010-02-06T16:39:00.010-05:00

There was DIY element here I think. Oh right! Rotten stone. Remember that one of my pretentious-sounding goals for this year was 'refinement'? Goes for all my little crafting hen projects, too. I used to champion the paint-it-high-gloss-white! furniture makeover, which still works for simple chairs and dressers and such, but what of pieces that are a bit more ... refined? The shiny, too-bright white frame on my sofa now bugs the crap out of me, but its carvings aren't all that special. Louis XV by way of Tijuana. My precious little eBay mininature fauteuil is another story:

Rode hard and put away wet, you say? Yes but the bones are there: Narrow fluted legs, finely carved rosettes at the knees and delicate acanthus leaves under the arms. I left her tatty for a year but my place just isn't soigné enough (yet?) to pull off that good kind of tension.

Now for the how-to: First I ripped off the poor old green silk starting with the double welt (pet peeve alert), removing the extra staples with pliers. Also removed the horsehair, cotton batting and nylon webbing from the back panel completely, setting it aside for re-use. Then I cleaned the entire frame with Windex and an old toothbrush to get dust out of the crevices. Started to sand lightly with an extra fine grit paper, mainly to wear down a few freshly chipped bits, but didn't even touch the unscathed carvings. Then I traded in my oil-based high gloss white for flat latex -- chalky is key -- and painted the frame with a smallish artist's brush (latex dries quickly and I avoided doing two full coats that way). I thought about adding a little burnt umber acrylic paint to mitigate said blindingly white look, but figured some of the original brown stain would bleed through and do it for me. It did, but the carvings were now invisible.

So how do folks achieve that perfect, chalky-dirty, antique white finish? The kind that brings to mind Jansen, not Rachel Ashwell? The answer is rotten stone. Really no secret amongst furniture gurus (I think I first heard Mugatu mention it via our decorative painter), it's fine powdered rock usually used for polishing surfaces. But when you mix it with a little mineral oil -- picture me at the drugstore checkout with only that container in hand -- paint it on and wipe off the excess with a paper towel, it fills all the crevices to resemble 200 years of collected dirt. And makes the carvings sing! Bear witness:

The leafy bit right under the arm is pure white while the scrolly armrest has gotten, um, stoned. Subtle but so worth it. (I'm holding the chair out the window for natural light AND so you can't see my apartment! Muahaha!). Another angle:

And the fully finished leg:

I might seal the frame with a paste wax of some sort (to simulate 200 years of hand grease) and distress the legs and arms a little with sandpaper. Don't want to over shabbify my baby. And for upholstery? Craving green glove leather and nailhead trim. Since I performed the above while watching "Too Young To Kill" on E! at 1am, I'm saving that project for either a Manson Family documentary or the "Real Housewives of Orange County" marathon.

Prelude to a Post

2010-02-06T15:17:00.011-05:00

I'm gonna wade outside my comfort zone and share a little DIY-decorative painting technique illustrated with photos by yours truly. See, last weekend at the Gift Show Jamie got all up in my craw about sharing more of this (winning, effortlessly sunny) personality with you fine people. "You should take a picture and post about that!" Like the bowl of Grape Nuts I ate this morning? No, just stuff I come across ... stuff I like.

Sounds great, but my big excuse -- aside from sheer laziness -- is photo quality. I drool over blogs like this one where the candids look ripped from a J. Crew catalog while my circa '99 digicam is bigger than Zack Morris's cell phone and yields photos unfit even for Craigslist. Perfectionism isn't strong enough a word for my condition, so I asked (whined) around. Tim came to my rescue: "The Dooce lady, this is what you're looking for, trust me. TRUST ME FOR ONCE."

Thanks, A Canon 5D, awesome. THOSE COST 3500 FRIGGIN' DOLLARS.

It was back to square one until I finally traded in my flip phone (seeing an archaic tech trend here?) for a snazzy, if corporate-feeling, BlackBerry that has a decent camera AND a memory card. Scott Schuman and Bruce Weber, your jobs are safe. Learning to let go.

But in the meantime, if you have any Consumer Reports or recommendations on digital cameras, please give 'em up. (See, Mimi, I asked!) Is there a huge gap between the 300 and 3000 buck range? How does my idol get those warm colors and sharp edges? Enquiring, insanely jealous minds want to know.

Astrological Grammy Analysis: Hot Messes

2010-02-03T03:22:00.005-05:00

Through the Fire*: Lady Gaga (b. March 28, 1986) and Elton John (b. March 25, 1947). BOTH ARIES.

Shove Me Into Shallow Water Before I Get Too Deep**: Ke$ha and Justin Bieber (b. March 1, 1987 and 1994, respectively). BOTH PISCES.

* Chaka Khan (née Yvette Stevens), b. March 23, 1953 (Aries)
**Edie Brickell, b. March 10, 1966 (Pisces)

Font of Fonts

2010-01-30T18:31:00.004-05:00

This old blogspot is looking staler than month old melba toast. NICK OLSEN needs to go global but he won't make it to Hoboken with that header ... it's time to build my "b" word, cheesy as it sounds. I need a logo but won't settle for just any old Helvetica. Want it classic but different and a little cheeky without being hard to read or too recognizable. Was it Roc-A-Wear that seemingly ripped off the Burberry font not long ago? So I need I help (vigorous nodding from the blognut gallery). I found my ideal more than a year ago deep in WASP country and have searched five font sites thus far with no luck. Can anyone ID this stylish italic:

Nice N's and O's, right? Mr. Johnston Jr. is not the present owner of the private drive bearing this sign or else I'd inquire. Seen anything similar? Graphic designers and kerning fanatics, please help me out! (Still determining the prize for anyone who nails it.)

Dress-age Inspired

2010-01-28T01:28:00.029-05:00

Who's up for a little fantasy (meaning not too budget-conscious) speed decorating?! Thought so. I was scrolling through my new favorite breathless fashion blog, Maison Chaplin, and saw zees:

Stunning photo by Ana Clara Garmendia

A gown from John Galliano's Spring/Summer 2010 haute couture collection for Christian Dior, variously inspired by dressage, Millicent Rogers, the Gibson Girl and Charles James.

Yeah, it's just okay. I'M KIDDING THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF CHIC OH MY GOD CAN'T YOU SEE IT??? If Cammy Diaz doesn't wear this dress to the Oscars I'm-a be VERY upset!! The tableau also reminded me of a fabulous Prada-inspired room from Domino:

Kind of uncanny, right? But like Stewart on MadTV I'm taking my own route, so let's round up Johnny G's muses and gorgeous palette (including the set pieces) and decorate our living room. From the ground up:

Yes, I'm still pimping this jute rug from Overstock.com. Ideally it would run wall to wall like a big hay loft. Because horses eat hay. But I'd layer a Jonathan Adler geometric over it to mimic the dress's aqua and blue architecture:

Now walls:

image by Derry Moore for Architectural Digest via NYTimes

Nancy Lancaster yellow, of course. Believe it or not Benjamin Moore "Yellow" (names department fell asleep on that one) is a beautiful shade, especially in oil-based high-gloss. Points for anyone who can tell me the current owner of the armchair at bottom right.

Curtains: we're stealing the unlined taffeta look from Domino but in pale lavender, and no mismatched panels. Trust me. It works.

I'm loving all the pure white in our inspiration pic so let's neutralize the upholstery:

In the main seating area I'm feeling this English Roll Arm Sofa from Restoration Hardware in white linen with a pair of blue embroidered Ankasa pillows to match the dress's skirt (though the same satin would be nice), and this oblong yellow one with its Belle Epoque swirls at the center:

In front I like a Japanese coffee table to match our Geisha Gibson Girl (note the Gaga-esque lightning bolt at center):

To anchor the corner of the room I see a marshmallow-y Vladimir Kagan sofa from Room & Board (echoing the room's goopy moldings) with the same orange throw:

And a small red lacquer Directoire coffee table in front of it as lipstick (did you think I was actually gonna go for one of those lips sofas??):

Oh, and this bouffanterrific bentwood chair from Steven Sclaroff pulled up beside:

And an organic celadon garden seat next to it for drinks:

Back to our Enlish sofa but keeping to porcelain, I want a pair of peacock blue Christopher Spitzmillers

on either side (sitting on a gueridon and chest ... you find 'em) and this massive Frank Stella painting above:

Tahkt-I-Sulayman Variation II, 1969, acrylic on canvas, 120 x 240 inches, Minneapolis Institute of Arts

It has all our colors and then some! I could go on forever but simply can't live without this cuckoo Victorian reading chair (thinking Charles James at the DeMenils) on one end of the sofa

And a Milo Baughman chair and ottoman on the other (black leather for Galliano's riding boots!):

How many couture gowns can you buy for what I've spent here?